No One

No one will want me, no one will see me
I'm just a friend and so I always will be
Is it too much to ask to be more than this
More than a safe place, warm with passions kiss
But no one will want me beyond all my flaws
No one will see what only the heart draws
Too much stands out broken beyond repair
And all I can feel is that it just isn't fair
So much heart to give, so much life to share
But they don't see a woman when they stare
Just a nice girl a good friend a kind confidante
While I sit alone in my growing sense of want
No one will want me, no one will see me
I'm just a friend and so I always will be

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Fathers Day

I wanted to write something mushy about dads today, something drawn from my own life experiences. Sadly, looking back, the only father I really had to trust as a little girl was the Father that went hand in hand with the Son and Holy Spirit. My Daddy and I, much as I wanted nothing more than to be his precious gift, didn't give me a whole lot to trust back then. But I am still moved to see those rare men among our human condition who are really good dads. These men are not perfect, even if they are trying to be- they fail sometimes, but they accept that fatherhood is not a position they can quit. Frankly, even if you gave them the option to walk away, they would cling jealously to their responsibilities, even when it isn't quite clear to them what those responsibilities entail. These brave souls walk blindly into the fray that will some day involve hormones and teenage dramas, wading through dirty diapers and ceaseless crying even when they are scared to death of doing something wrong. And I think that is the one of the true signs of a father- the unfailing being there, wrong or right, day or night, giving of themselves when they have nothing left for themselves. They love their children unequivocally, showing that love in play, in sternness, in lessons learned and mistakes made. They are a small number but they are a treasure made more noticeable for its rarity, though their own children may not know it till they are grown themselves.
Some Daddies weren't the best- some forgot us or we scared them so much they made big mistakes that broke our hearts. Sometimes that made us stronger. But even then, I am glad those men are fathers too, for so many of us wouldn't be here to make the world a richer place if not for those men. And if we are really lucky, like my Daddy and me, we can resolve the past and learn to love each other anyway.
Then there are those dads we have that don't involve parentage. Those brave souls who take it to heart to play father to children not their own. They may only come into our lives for an hour on the side of the road, changing a tire, or they can come and stay, indelibly inking their words in our hearts just we most need to hear them. Some are teachers, coaches, uncles, grandpas, supervisors, co-workers, and some are total strangers, but our lives would have been noticeably poorer without them guiding us.
So today, let me say Happy Fathers Day, to all you men who have been daddies to us. Whether mistakes were made or you walked the right trail, our generation walks in the road you paved before us. We are blessed immeasurably by you all. *virtual hugs* from my heart to yours.
Love,
Daddy's Little Girl

Personal interpretation

I'm pretty sure what I wrote this about but I feel like it could mean a lot of things- to each their own.

Neither soft nor sweet
In this quest for heat
reach with claw not feather
Heartbeats race on
In the rush toward dawn
Ripping thru lace and leather
Intensity to be sought
Not borrowed nor bought
But burning day by night
Patience long forgot
In dreams far too hot
Till wrong erases my right

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tribute

This particular piece I wrote to honor a noble chevalier after his passing from this world a few years back. I believe our tight knit community of the SCA still feels the lack of him, but none of us wanted his suffering. I rejoice at his restoration in the summerlands of heaven.

Somewhere beyond, a warhorse gives cry,
And the drumming of hooves begins,
As the lists gain another knight
To hold the field of heaven.
The stallions scream,
the mares do neigh
To herald the newest companion
And Elysium gains a true defender
As Jerald rides forth once again.
So cry not sorrow, for a shell now empty
Cry tears of joy as the spear is taken up
As the lance is regained, and the sword girded once again.
Let the banner be raised in the angel'd winds.
For the arm is now able as the spirit always was,
And Jerald rides forth once again.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Desert Welcome

I forgot, after all these years, the beauty of the desert. How it may take a little looking, a little quiet patience, but it can be found. I forgot the smell of mesquite tree, so dusty yet rich and hearty. the feel of the sun hardened soil beneath my feet, unyeilding to heat or wind, but always ready to drink the rare vintage of a good rain. The greens are not as lush and deep as the forests and hills that feed my heart. But they are so much the more precious for their rarity and for their stregth in the face of the sun. I had lost the memory of the baked blue of the sky, the vivid red of the pock marked hills, the rock riddled heights of the little mountains. I missed the miracle of little lives of lizards and quail, making their way in the unforgiving environment, perpetuating the generations despite the elements. So I am pleased to have my memory refreshed, to be grateful for the many beauties to be found on the many facets of the jewel we call earth- shining miraculous in sunlight and moonglow and starshine.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wandering

I'm lost tonight, cast wandering into the woods. And I find though it may be frustrating and disconcerting, I don't really seem to mind it. There is a bit of weary satifaction to my trudging in circles. There's even a smidgen of growing respect for my own stubborn will, which won't let me sit still. Mind you, there's also a bit of self pity for being inable to find my way just yet. But I won't let myself wallow in that, much- I can't fail though I may falter.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry