Summerlands

Some dear friends just yesterday had to make the decision to free thier lovely mare from her mortal coil. I went to stand in for them as her heart galloped its last beat, for I knew they wouldnt have the strength to remember her in life through the images of her passing. Her passing, thier grief, and the memories of my own losses over the years inspired the following writing.

There is a place where horses go, I see it within my heart
The Summerlands, like Neverland, where friends will never part
Where tall trees give shade and sweet grass will ever grow
Where hills roll onward, gentle and streams always flow
And I see the shining eyes I last saw dulled with pain
I see unbroken hearts, and limbs flashing once again
I know thier spirits know me as I look upon them there
They toss thier manes and trumpet, they dance upon the air
They know someday I'll meet them and touch them as before
They wait for me just beyond the pearls of heavens door
I know them in my heart as surely as I knew them with my hands
And I know the peace of thier presence in those heartfelt Summerlands

Warhorse

When a horse of war is laid to rest, though it is quiet here on earth
The trumpets sound in heaven for the passing of such great worth
For here he comes up the rainbow bridge with proudly arch'd neck
His heavy hooves ring thunder and his mouth no rein does check
Each hoof is placed in joyful passage no longer with mortal grace
But with angeled herald anouncing his name in Elysiums endless space
His eye does sparkle mightily with the shine we knew of old
For no more will his shell suffer the pains of age nor illness nor cold
He will paw the turf and charge the hill in a mighty memorial to his past
For the warhorse of old lives on in our hearts and now he's free at last

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Setting Free

Setting free and letting go are so similar, but completely different. Neither are easy.

I remember when you were all I saw when I looked into my heart
I loved you best, as you rightly deserved from the very start
You were hope, and long lost dreams I needed to uncover
You gave me peace and will to fight I would soon discover
I came through my darkest days staring at your picture on the wall
And even when I could not walk
You refused to let me fall
Now, I've learned to stand again, its now time I let you go
We lived our dream in borrowed time, though we did not know
Now, no matter the miles or time, with you my heart is lined
But best for you and best for me no longer flow intertwined
So know I love you, I cherish your gift that you gave to me
But now it comes in gratitude that I can set you free

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

No One

No one will want me, no one will see me
I'm just a friend and so I always will be
Is it too much to ask to be more than this
More than a safe place, warm with passions kiss
But no one will want me beyond all my flaws
No one will see what only the heart draws
Too much stands out broken beyond repair
And all I can feel is that it just isn't fair
So much heart to give, so much life to share
But they don't see a woman when they stare
Just a nice girl a good friend a kind confidante
While I sit alone in my growing sense of want
No one will want me, no one will see me
I'm just a friend and so I always will be

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Fathers Day

I wanted to write something mushy about dads today, something drawn from my own life experiences. Sadly, looking back, the only father I really had to trust as a little girl was the Father that went hand in hand with the Son and Holy Spirit. My Daddy and I, much as I wanted nothing more than to be his precious gift, didn't give me a whole lot to trust back then. But I am still moved to see those rare men among our human condition who are really good dads. These men are not perfect, even if they are trying to be- they fail sometimes, but they accept that fatherhood is not a position they can quit. Frankly, even if you gave them the option to walk away, they would cling jealously to their responsibilities, even when it isn't quite clear to them what those responsibilities entail. These brave souls walk blindly into the fray that will some day involve hormones and teenage dramas, wading through dirty diapers and ceaseless crying even when they are scared to death of doing something wrong. And I think that is the one of the true signs of a father- the unfailing being there, wrong or right, day or night, giving of themselves when they have nothing left for themselves. They love their children unequivocally, showing that love in play, in sternness, in lessons learned and mistakes made. They are a small number but they are a treasure made more noticeable for its rarity, though their own children may not know it till they are grown themselves.
Some Daddies weren't the best- some forgot us or we scared them so much they made big mistakes that broke our hearts. Sometimes that made us stronger. But even then, I am glad those men are fathers too, for so many of us wouldn't be here to make the world a richer place if not for those men. And if we are really lucky, like my Daddy and me, we can resolve the past and learn to love each other anyway.
Then there are those dads we have that don't involve parentage. Those brave souls who take it to heart to play father to children not their own. They may only come into our lives for an hour on the side of the road, changing a tire, or they can come and stay, indelibly inking their words in our hearts just we most need to hear them. Some are teachers, coaches, uncles, grandpas, supervisors, co-workers, and some are total strangers, but our lives would have been noticeably poorer without them guiding us.
So today, let me say Happy Fathers Day, to all you men who have been daddies to us. Whether mistakes were made or you walked the right trail, our generation walks in the road you paved before us. We are blessed immeasurably by you all. *virtual hugs* from my heart to yours.
Love,
Daddy's Little Girl

Personal interpretation

I'm pretty sure what I wrote this about but I feel like it could mean a lot of things- to each their own.

Neither soft nor sweet
In this quest for heat
reach with claw not feather
Heartbeats race on
In the rush toward dawn
Ripping thru lace and leather
Intensity to be sought
Not borrowed nor bought
But burning day by night
Patience long forgot
In dreams far too hot
Till wrong erases my right

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Tribute

This particular piece I wrote to honor a noble chevalier after his passing from this world a few years back. I believe our tight knit community of the SCA still feels the lack of him, but none of us wanted his suffering. I rejoice at his restoration in the summerlands of heaven.

Somewhere beyond, a warhorse gives cry,
And the drumming of hooves begins,
As the lists gain another knight
To hold the field of heaven.
The stallions scream,
the mares do neigh
To herald the newest companion
And Elysium gains a true defender
As Jerald rides forth once again.
So cry not sorrow, for a shell now empty
Cry tears of joy as the spear is taken up
As the lance is regained, and the sword girded once again.
Let the banner be raised in the angel'd winds.
For the arm is now able as the spirit always was,
And Jerald rides forth once again.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Desert Welcome

I forgot, after all these years, the beauty of the desert. How it may take a little looking, a little quiet patience, but it can be found. I forgot the smell of mesquite tree, so dusty yet rich and hearty. the feel of the sun hardened soil beneath my feet, unyeilding to heat or wind, but always ready to drink the rare vintage of a good rain. The greens are not as lush and deep as the forests and hills that feed my heart. But they are so much the more precious for their rarity and for their stregth in the face of the sun. I had lost the memory of the baked blue of the sky, the vivid red of the pock marked hills, the rock riddled heights of the little mountains. I missed the miracle of little lives of lizards and quail, making their way in the unforgiving environment, perpetuating the generations despite the elements. So I am pleased to have my memory refreshed, to be grateful for the many beauties to be found on the many facets of the jewel we call earth- shining miraculous in sunlight and moonglow and starshine.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Wandering

I'm lost tonight, cast wandering into the woods. And I find though it may be frustrating and disconcerting, I don't really seem to mind it. There is a bit of weary satifaction to my trudging in circles. There's even a smidgen of growing respect for my own stubborn will, which won't let me sit still. Mind you, there's also a bit of self pity for being inable to find my way just yet. But I won't let myself wallow in that, much- I can't fail though I may falter.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Gratitude

Today, I am thankful, more than I ever am on Thanksgiving. I am grateful and humbled and awed by the ones who sign away their lives and give up their right to a life all their own. Some pay the full price, some come home injured physically, some come home injured in ways we can't see. Some loose their families when they go away, some loose themselves. And some manage to make it through relatively unscathed. But wether they realize it or not, they have all been made better for their willingness to risk it all. Maybe stronger, smarter, more grateful, but in some ways that are untangible, they have been elevated among their fellow men. For they are now heroes, no matter their length of service, duty station or job. These men and women, they offered up EVERYTHING for us, those who stayed home. Those who daily experience a hundred little rights and a thousand little privledges that we would not have but for those who have served. So to all those who fell, those who have lost, those home, those who are away, those who love a service man or woman, you have this Americans gratitude. And you have my daily love, and constant prayers for strength of heart as you carry out your duties. My life would be less rich and less beautiful if not for your willing sacrifice, and I will never cease in my support of you.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Potential

There is potential in a blank sheet of paper-
It could become so many different reflections of the heart
Sometimes the images are painted in words,
And sometimes they are reflected with paint
Often they take a form that only their creator understands
Whether the medium be pencil or pen or pastel
Charcoal, chalk or crayon
The blank page waits only for someone willing to pour their heart upon it
So while my bookshelves are populated with the written word
And volumes of art not my own
The books I cherish most are those half empty
Those waiting for me to find the courage to fill them
 
 
 

---

Hotmail has tools for the New Busy. Search, chat and e-mail from your inbox. Learn more.

No Apologies

More verbal dithering about...............
 
 
I'll never ask for forgiveness for being who I am;
All woman, one half lion, one half lamb.
I'll always be honest even though it causes pain,
All woman, three parts sunshine, one part rain.
I'll take a risk, take a chance, fall flat on my face.
All woman, five eighths denim, three eighths lace.
I'll give up everything I own but I wont chance what I do
All woman, one hundred percent in love with you.
 
 
 
 

---

The New Busy think 9 to 5 is a cute idea. Combine multiple calendars with Hotmail. Get busy.

A Love Once Hoped For

Wrote this a bit ago, never shared it with the person it was intended for, figured I might as well add it to my random ramble on here, since I'm too brain dead to write anything original tonight. LOL Good night, sweet blog.

Let me love you like a tempest
let me touch you like a breeze
let me give peace and comfort
let me set your heart at ease
Touch me with your kindness
trust me with your heart
together we can discover
a brand new place to start
Give me a moment of time
to show you what sings in my eyes
Offer me a tune in return
and I'll offer you no goodbyes
So let me love you, every charm,
every flaw, every grace
For a heart like yours deserves
nothing less than first place.

Hope Rides Tonight!

I named this blog well before the poem was even an idea, but tonight the idea came to bear fruit!

Hope Rides

When life has tossed you in the dirt
And all your faith is bruised
When your spirit flags exhausted
And all your strength is used
When things seem lost beyond repair
And you can't even feel mad
You drag yourself up by boot straps
You didn't know you had

Because
Hope rides over mountains, through valleys of despair
It carries on through thick and thin
It shines a light you have to share
It makes heroes of women and men
It lets you dream what you'd never dare
Hope rides over troubles, though no one seems to care

When life gives you a dusty trail to tread
And you just want to run
When you've worn a rut in your road
And you just want to be done
When the brightest jewel shines no more
And you only taste your sweat
You keep on trudging and tramping 'til
You just want to forget

Because
Hope rides through rivers, across plains of discontent
It endures the dreary throes of life
It continues on though you are spent
It withstands through weary strife
It carries on till you become content
Hope rides through tedium, though boredom is hell bent
　
When life, at last, finally rewards your faith
And you ride an easy road
When you travel verdant meadows
And you carry a lighter load
When the burbling creek beside you
Sings inside your very soul
You will feel the winds of love
You will finally feel whole

Because
Hope rides beyond hills, inside the noblest hearts
It gallops in the wilds of your mind
It inspires each facet of the arts
It gifts sight to those once blind
It guides you beyond the course life charts
Hope rides within you, that's where it always starts

Standing, Still

A single tree stands alone,
battered by wind and rain
Bent and broken branches
Lost to time and pain
Yet still it stands on its hill
Alone but to the careful eye
For looking closer one would
See another tree standing by
A sapling yet, leaves still bright
Grows in the lea of the hill
Its tender roots provided purchase
in the damaged tree standing, still.
Yet so few can see the damaged tree
would fall so easy to the storm
Should ever the sapling cease to
shelter beneath its twisted form
So little tree, thrive and dream
in the solid ground you know
Strong and silent your guardian
too will continue to grow
A patriarch and his heritage,
Commanding the sundrenched hill
And I'll look often from so far away
To see you both standing, still.

Written in the shadow of mountains

Oh how I glory in the verte of the foothills
Their glistening shine in the sun
Oh how they beg for a heart born gallop
Their surface concused by a run
Oh how I love the rock riddled mountains
Their granite and trees and rust
Oh how they offer me strength and peace
Their shelter given in trust
Oh how I dance in the blue of the bright skies
Their azure blanket so clear
Oh how they ask for wings to go flying
Their powerful winds erase fear

Tossed

Tonight, just tonight, I am tossed on the sea
No strength left to fight no will left in me
My sails are un-manned the winds cast me down
The waves throw me helpless, I just want to drown
I spin, no direction, my tears like the rain
My panic, my fear grows and feeds on the pain
I can't breathe I can't speak lost to the sadness
I can't see the horizon for the dark fog of madness
I long for a pair of arms to keep me anchored tonight
But harbor is denied, so I pray for dawns new light
To bring me sight of faith, renew my sense of hope
So I can fight again and come free of the rope
The lines that tie me down tonight
Battering the heart
For my stormy night has taken me clear of any chart

Metaphorically Speaking (or Similies make me Smile)

Wrote this for a boyfriend in my early twenties, one of my friends said I should make it into a Hallmark card. LOL Needless to say, it never saw the light of day beyond a select audience, til now....

You are good for me, like sunshine is good for flowers, like hugs are good for children, like tummy rubs are good for puppies and chin rubs are good for kittens. You warm me like the sun on a windy day, like hot chocolate on a snowy morning, like my favorite blanket when I'm under the weather, like my oldest sweater. You foster a sense of confidence, like being on the back of a good horse, like when I stand on the summit of a mountain, like when I hold a good weapon in my hands. You inspire me like a beautiful day, like a powerful song, like the flight of a hawk, like the faith of a child, like the wind in the trees, like the trust of a wild thing. You set me on fire, like the rush of adreniline, like the tear bringing speed of a good gallop, like the heady feeling of victory. You make me feel comfortable, like my favorite book, like broke in jeans, like an old chemise, like coming home. You are becoming all this, and more, as each day I discover more about you. I just thought you might like to know.

Dithering about

there is nothing in this world quite like
being loved by me
Its a gift that comes with no strings,
It's strength will set you free
For I will not cling, I will not beg
I'll simply offer the treasure
Should you choose to accept,
you will find it beyond measure

It's not long, it's not ever particularly good, but thats what came out when I started typing. And now, I wish you all a pleasant slumber- I, for one, am tanked.

Somethin Old, somethin new

So it strikes me hard that the things I wrote as a naive girl still ring of truth today.....I feel so alone tonight, despite all my lovely friends and amazing family, not unlike I often did in those days of yore. Tonight, I give you a blast from the past (highschool days) and one just written.

Before:

I am invisible, no one can see
The womans heart inside of me
None touch me or hold me in their heart
All longing forsaken to youthful loves art
None seeing the pain etched on my soul
Not watching while hurt exacts its toll
They only see horses, boots and blonde
No one bothers to look beyond

I sit in the corner of lifes theatre
Yet they hold no auditions,
Only see what you once were

I want no more than any woman or man
while every rejection just makes the flames fan
I want more than a friend, someone who sees me
Not what I was but who I can be.

--------------------------------------------------------------
Tonight:

I ache in my heart, for something missing
I cry for something not mine
Till eyes grow weary and head grows heavy
with each dejected line.
I lay in dark silence, my ears unhearing
though there is a song to sing
All I can do is pray, for a heart at peace
whatever the dawn may bring

In the beginning.........

Indulge me for awhile, my friends. Today, as I was sorting through a box of memories, I came across some of my old writings. I think, this week, I'm going to work on getting them typed into the computer, so I thought I might share some of my favorite ones on here.

Here are two offerings from the later high school years:

Do you seek an answer,
or do you shy from the truth?
Do you revel in the freedom of the sky
or do you hide from the decisions you face?
Each soul treads its own road
each heart owns a pair of wings
So do you follow the beaten path
or blaze a fiery trail across the
belly of the universe?
-----------------------------------------------------

As the smell of the campfire still lingers,
and the memory of the flames still burn,
I lay quiet
savoring the misty moonlight.
Still as the rocks on the shadowy mountain
I settle into a peaceful sigh.
Wishing for nothing but someone to share this with.
The presence of the silent woods
echoes back the fiddling crickets
as the waterfall continues its
singleminded serenade.
And more than the bullfrogs are singing tonight
as my heart whispers its own song.
Now all that could improve the peace
that this place imparts to me
would be someone who knew
the same comforts.
So should it be that I ever love
should it be that I ever share
I only know that he too must hear
this lullabye that the earth
plays for me.

Personal Hell

If you don't wanna know about my personal life, read no further.

Ok, you've been warned ;-)



There is a special place in hell, for tempted souls like me-
I need not go to hell itself and the torturing is free.
What makes it so much very worse is that it's all self inflicted
I've been accuser, judge and jury, been tried and convicted
I'm guilty as the day is long of wanting more from life
I want to be a woman loved, for him to have me as his wife.
I long for passion, dream of skin and ponder tangled sheets
But I won't be getting that from the man for whom my heart still beats.
It's Hades curse and cupids bow combined to foul effect
To love a man I cannot have in more than heart and intellect
For I love a man who loves me, but will not use me well
And so I linger on in this, my special place in hell.

Between the Lines

There's a book on a shelf, long forgotten and neglected
Its pages gather dust, once cherished, now dejected
No fingers have touched its spine, nor written in its pages
Its story goes quite unread, its plotline simply ages
Once loved and memorized, now cast from the light
It lays in the darkness, hopes for new stories to write
So one day perhaps a dedicated reader will find it
Draw it from the shadows, clean and rebind it
Take it outside to where the sun warmly shines
And reads it again, even between the lines

At a friends behest.....

It was just happenstance, meeting old friends online, who reminded me of my former glories. Of the time when my mind was a fertile planting ground that yielded good harvest when mixed with the heart. So one again, I took up the figurative pen, and tilled the soil with ink and pencil, till ideas began to grow and demanded to be fed. Then another friend yet said mayhap I should start a blog.....I shelved the idea for a few days of maturity, then pulled it back out to stare at it awhile. What you see here is the result of that cross pollenation of ideas. I am going to attempt to find something to share on a regular basis, and pray this well of thought will not go dry. Thank you, my friends, for planting the seeds that had long lay dormant.